IT (yes, really) built an asset register for 400 laptops

“Nobody outside the team uses it.”— Petra, IT (yes, really)

Reason:

Allegedly because the existing report is a PDF of a screenshot of copy of copy of Budget2026.csv. Built in a long Thursday and demonstrated immediately afterwards.

Built by:

Petra, a key account manager

Build time:

one weekend

Built with:

Excel macros, exposed over HTTP

Database:

an Outlook shared mailbox with 93,503 unread records

Authentication:

the API accepts requests from anywhere with confidence

Deployment:

running on localhost through a tunnel

Responsible:

Elena and Miriam, who each think the other owns it

Documentation:

a Confluence page marked "draft", last edited 141 days ago

Security situation:

every error response includes the full stack trace

Future disaster:

It will round money differently from Finance.

Age: 4.4 years · originally expected to last 3 months · 2 owners so far · survived 3 reorganisations · last meaningful change 74 days ago

Rated common mostly because: 212 users, alive 18x longer than intended, 10% chance of becoming business critical.